This cartoon hasn’t aged a bit since I did it in 2005, and neither have the Olsen twins. Their body of work hasn’t grown, nor have they. They’re still as cute and cuddly as they were in Full House, only in a creepier grownup way.
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June 2009
Thomas Kinkade shown dipping his brush into the company inkwell.
Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Trite Shite, is back in the news for fleecing his flock of God-fearing gallery owners. According to my inside sources, his scheme went something like this…
Doe-eyed followers would confess their love of Uncle Thom’s work to him. After carefully sizing them up, Thom would offer to let them help spread the gospel by opening a Thomas Kinkade gallery. That’s right, folks! All you need is a prayer and a six-figure check.
These investors got everything they were promised—except the heavenly returns. To make up for this shortcoming, Uncle Thom cheerfully provided them with his vast collection of prints no one wants, while the “good” stuff was reserved for investors with more seniority (i.e. friends and family—must suck not to be a Kinkade).
New owners were left with absolute crappiest of the crap. And they had no choice but to buy it, as specified in their contracts. What’s more, they were required to sell at or above minimum retail prices, to make it easier for Thom to undercut them while hawking his own stash of crap on QVC.
Thanks Thom, you’re my inspiration. I know if I work hard enough creating art people will laugh at, I too can swindle millions.
For more about Thom’s drinking, groping and whizzing on Winnie the Pooh after a business deal at Disneyland, check out this L.A. Times article from 2006.
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Who the hell would want a regular rabbit once these become available? Darwin had nothing on the geneticists of today.
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I’m launching the Snake Oil BLOG! on borrowed time. In other words, Snake Oil cartoons will be re-runs while I get this blog going. To keep people hooked, I’m running a campaign of perhaps the strangest, most disturbing batch of Snake Oil I’ve ever produced.
I did the Frank-n-Pets campaign back in 2005, when I noticed the field of genetics was getting weird. While Dubya was busy saving innocent stem cells from violent laboratory deaths, Korean Petri dishes were about to bubble over with fertilized glow-in-the-dark monkey embryos.
Today, we’re still gettin’ our biotechnical asses kicked. If I were in charge of American Free Enterprise, I’d pull together a dream team of top execs from Genentech and Toys-R-Us to form Frank-n-Pets—a company that knows how to make ‘em AND market ‘em.
But, since I’m merely a cartoonist, I’ll settle for releasing a new unit of this old stuff for the next few weeks. I think you’ll agree each is as unsettling now as the day it hatched. Be sure to sign up for a free Snake Oil prescription, so you don’t miss a “thing.”
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